by Shannon Medisky

When teens have a disagreement with a teacher, coach or church leader, it's natural for parents to want to rush in and resolve the problem. But parents serve teens best when they teach their teens how to handle conflicts with those in authority. Here are six tips you can use to help your teens navigate these conflicts:

1. Get to the root of the problem.
First, take the emotion out of it. Ask, "What’s at stake? What’s the issue?" While a teen's feelings are certainly real, they may not always be a true reflection of what's really going on. Help her find the true issue.

2. Acknowledge feelings.
After getting to the root of the problem, remind your teen not to ignore his feelings. Encourage him to try to understand how he feels and why. This awareness will help him control his emotions when he has the opportunity to talk with the other person.

3. Maintain Objectivity.
People can feel like opponents when they're in conflict, but conflict is usually little more than a difference of opinion. Remind your teen not to let her emotions negatively impact how she communicates her opinions. Encourage her to share her views with the same respect she hopes to receive in return.

4. Do the homework.
Remind your teen that while his opinions matter, he can be more convincing with facts and logical reasons to back his opinion. Encourage your teen to think through his argument before he meets with the adult so their conversation will go beyond his opinion versus the adult's opinion.

5. Confront respectfully.
Encourage your teen to stay topic-focused when she has the confrontation, seek common ground, choose her words carefully and avoid placing blame or making judgmental comments. She also needs to be mindful of her body language — making eye contact, standing or sitting straight without fidgeting, and avoiding crossing her arms.

6. Recognize when you're at a standstill.
Just as important as knowing why you have particular opinions is knowing when a respectful confrontation is getting you nowhere. Help your teen understand that there will be times when conflict simply can't be resolved. It's always admirable for a young person to attempt to handle conflict in appropriate ways, but it's just as important to help him recognize when he needs help from an adult. Sharing this last step assures your teen that it's OK to ask for help and that you're the place to start when that help is needed.

From the Thriving Family website at www.thrivingfamily.com. Copyright © 2014 Shannon Medisky. Used by permission.