by Constance Rhodes
I became obsessed with my body when I was 17. I'd never worried about my weight previously, but when I gained 7 kilograms, I felt ugly. I wanted to hide from everyone until I could lose the weight and regain my "self." For me, that poor body image led to an unhealthy starve-binge-purge roller coaster.
My story isn't unique. Teens often struggle with poor body image — a persistent negative view of how they look. Why? Because they are assaulted daily by the media, their friends and social networking with messages that connect self-worth to body image. Believing those lies can lead to constant dieting, emotional eating, obsessive exercising, self-injury and various eating disorders, which can disrupt and in some cases claim lives. The good news is that, in many circumstances, we as parents can help nurture a healthy body image in our teens.
Talk — and listen — to your teen
Pay attention to what your teen says. Even little comments reflect how she sees herself. As you get a picture of her view, dialogue with her about what she believes is a healthy body image and ask whether she has one. If your teen says, "I wish I could lose 7 kilograms," ask her what she imagines that would feel like. How would it change or affect who she is? What if she doesn't lose the weight? Could she still have a healthy body image? Then listen to her explain the whys behind her answers.
If your teen struggles to open up, confess an area where you wrestle to embrace how God made you, and invite her to share her thoughts. End your conversations by asking God to reveal truth, to protect your hearts and to strengthen your communication so you can fight this battle together.
Replace lies with truth
A big part of nurturing a positive body image comes from using scriptural truth to remind your teen of God's unconditional love and acceptance. A teen's negative views about her external appearance are almost always fueled by negative beliefs about who she is on the inside. This means that dealing with body image is an inside job — deep "heart work" that requires God's help. Like any life-controlling issue, a negative body image thrives on lies. So as you talk with your teen, help her recognize the lies and combat them with God's truth.
One of the most prevailing lies is that we must look a certain way to be loved. The truth is that God created each of us uniquely, and His estimation of us doesn't change according to how we look or the size we wear (1 Samuel 16:7). As you emphasize this idea in your family, the reinforcement will help your teen avoid some of the destruction of an unhealthy focus on her physical appearance.
Another lie to challenge is that looking "good" leads to happiness. This lie is easily exposed by showing your teen examples of celebrities who have culturally acceptable beauty, yet are publicly spinning out of control in their search to feel happy. After all, what we look like on the outside will never make us experience worthiness on the inside.
A paraphrase of Ephesians 1:11 says, "It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for" (The Message). While our culture elevates physical beauty above character, God wants us to help our teens focus on "compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience" (Colossians 3:12).
Model the truth
Encouraging your teen to explore her worth through a biblical lens is valuable, but hearing truth is not as life-changing as seeing it in action. As we strive to model a healthy body image, we must ask God to reveal any ways in which we perpetuate cultural lies, such as making negative comments about our own bodies or the bodies of others. Other ways to model a healthy body image include banning "fat talk," monitoring the media's influence, discussing what we see and hear, and celebrating our teens' God-given uniqueness. These will go a long way toward helping our teens achieve a healthy image — from the inside out.
Constance Rhodes is the founder of FINDINGbalance, a Christian resource that offers help with eating and body-image issues.
