Part of Your Teen Needs You Series:
1- Your Teen Needs You 2- Six Ways to Build Your Teen's Identity
3- Equipping Your Teen with Character 4- Intentionally Focusing on Your Teen
5- Real Boundaries for Teens 6- Loving Your Teen Through Life's Seasons
by Lindy Keffer
Beccy Thompson earned a Bachelor of Science degree in Christian Education and has been working in the field since 1994, either as a volunteer or professionally. We interviewed Beccy in November 2007, and she shared some of her insights about interacting with her teens on MySpace. She shared the following observations about how youth culture has changed over the past 10-plus years that she's been in youth ministry.
On Busyness
"Students are busy — and they are stressed out and overtired as a result. They don't have time to just hang out with their peers or youth leaders at church. You have to plan to get together, and you have to sell it to them that it is worth their time."
On Relationships and Communication
"Students do the majority of their communicating with each other through electronic media like the Internet and cell phones. Texting is almost like breathing to many of them."
"Students used to love when I gave them attention. They would just open up. Now students act like all adults are stupid, and like they don't really want to be around grown-ups most of the time. However, if I continue to show up and care about them they slowly let me into their world."
"I hear over and over how betrayed students feel — how everyone in their life has broken their trust. They are wounded inside and wary of all relationships. They want things to be different, but don't see how that is possible. They lack the skills necessary to build healthy relationships and boundaries in their lives."
On Modesty and Members of the Opposite Sex
"About 2000 I started to see a real change in the way Christian girls dress and carry themselves. They started buying into the lie that you cannot be attractive as a woman unless you are 'sexy.' They no longer were interested in what God — or their youth leader — had to say to them about modesty."
"When I ask students what character qualities they admire in the opposite sex, they rarely know what 'character qualities' are. Usually I get answers like, 'Good looking… I know that isn't the most important thing, but….' They have ambiguous answers, not related to character issues like honesty, hard-working, sense of humor — answers I used to hear regularly. Also, I cannot remember the last time I heard a student say that religious values were important."
On Teenage Issues and Morality
"Cheating has become a necessary means to an end. In order to be 'well rounded' and get what they want, and because they are so busy and their time so regimented, cheating is a way of life among teens today. They do not see it as lying or stealing someone else's work."
"According to teenagers, an action isn't wrong unless they get caught. There are no boundaries that cannot be crossed. Nothing is sacred. Those who try and force boundaries on students become the adversary. Adults who question and criticize their choices are labeled 'judgers' and 'haters.' They have been taught tolerance to the point of having no personal standards, so the standards they have are made up and often contradictory. They don't see the contradictions, however."
Your Teen Needs You
As a parent, you may be shocked by these observations; you may disagree heartily with them; or, you may find in them a confirmation of what you've already suspected about the world your teenager lives in. In any case, it's good to know that the experts with one voice offer this solution: adults being intentionally involved in the lives of their teens. Whether you're a parent, a coach, a youth leader or a teacher, it's vital that you get to know your teen as an individual — not just as a member of a demographic. Teens want, first and foremost, to be known deeply. Beyond that, they also want someone to set healthy boundaries and they desire relationships with adults who care about them.
This series of articles aims to give practical advice on how you can enact that solution in your teen's life. It will take time and purposefulness. But if you put forth the effort, your ministry is likely to expand beyond your own teens to their friends who are also adrift in a hostile culture.
Originally appeared on the Focus on the Family website. Copyright ©2009, Focus on the Family. Used by permission.
